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 Julro Mapit training by Caredetru Tykuper

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Caredetru Tykuper
Jedi Knight

Male Number of posts : 233
Birthplace : Naboo
Species : Naboo
Registration date : 2008-10-20

PostSubject: Julro Mapit training by Caredetru Tykuper   Thu Jan 15, 2009 8:39 pm

Alright, the first thing we NEED to discuss is SLOWING DOWN. PLEASE SLOW DOWN. When you are writing 90 to nothing, you naver put any description into your work. You need to describe every single event in detail. You also need to describe your character's personal feelings and thoughts. You need to describe the scene in detail. Your reader has to be able to basically be put into your character's shoes. We, the reader, have to be able to see everything, but when you are going as fast as you do, we haven't a clue what is going on. You just say
"She does a song and dance and then every one claps.".
WRONG WRONG WRONG. It should be something more like:
"She was shaking her hips and spinning around - her short pink hair flailing as she does. Her little lungs were burning as they belted out the lyrics in the best tone that she could muster.
'(Whatever the crazy song lyrics are),' Sings Julro. "(More weird Scandanavian crap)" Her voice drops off, and she relaxes as the burning lights fade. The thunder of applause rings through the theatre, making popping echoes from the walls draped with immitation Dantooine silk. As the violet curtains sached their way across down-stage and blocked her from view, Julro fell to her knees with exhaustion. She whispered quietly to herself,
'I did it.'"
Just a little sample of what it SHOULD be like. Of course, this being a basics class, I don't expect THAT much out of you.

Here is your homework:

You have just landed your __________(whatever you want to be flying) on a planet. You step off and find yourself in the middle of a flea-market. You know that you have buisiness to attend to, but you just can't resist taking a look at some of the wares.

Now in this little post, I will be looking for description of events and a basic description of all five senses and your character's thoughts and feelings.

Go.(shortest complete sentance in the English language)
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Julro Mapit
Jedi Youngling

Number of posts : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-12

PostSubject: Re: Julro Mapit training by Caredetru Tykuper   Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:59 am

you know, I do not like that . so I tell you of win I lived in laz ytown.

The sun has shined in Laz Ytown for three months straight bringing with it hot and humid tempatures. Its been so hot that the flowers have wilted and died, the grass on the playground has turned brown and the animals had moved on. Laz Ytown looked like a huge dust bowl from up above in Spo Acuss' airship.

Looking from his window Spo acuss shook his head. Something has to be done for Laz Ytown. Without water they were losing their food and water supply for the winter. Laz Ytown would be come a variable ghost town for sure. He couldn't imagine what life would be without Laz Ytown and the people that he loved. He watched as the Mayor walked sadly to City Hall. It was just an effort to walk across the street. Some of the people of Laz Ytown have already moved out,with it being so hot there were no jobs in Laz Ytown. Food and water were beginning to get scarce. He watched as Julro brought water out to the birdfeeder in the center of town. She always did this every morning and every night she wanted to make sure everything had a chance. That's what Spo Acuss loved about Julro. Others first is how she lived. But this time was different, instead of going and sitting under the tree to rest. Julro fell to her knees at the birdbath

"Ladder" Spo Acuss spoke as he climbed down off the platform to the ladder. He didnt even finish climbing down the ladder, he jumped and flipped three times before making it to Julro. He knelt down and looked closely at her face, her face was pale and lips were white. She was sweating and shaking. "Julro you need to get into the shade, somewhere cool". Lifting her up he placed her on his back and climbed up into the airship. The cool air was refreshing and soothing. He laid her on his bed and gentley wiped her forehead. "Julro what were you doing?" Julro looked away from Spo Acuss. She didnt want him to know that the water supply was depleted and she had saved her little bit of water to give to the animals. She started to cry. He knew by her tears it was bad.

Spo Acuss took her hand and kissed her forehead. "We need to call an emergency meeting at dusk" Spo Acuss said as he gave her water to drink. "Not to fast, slowly" What Julro didnt know, is that Spo Acuss was giving the town his water he had stored in the airship for days now. He was beginning to run out as well. He didnt want to alarm her so he kept that secret to himself. He called down to the Mayor and told him that he had Julro in the airship and the he needed Miss Bus Body to call everyone that was left in Laz Ytown and tell them about the Emergency meeting at dusk. He turned around and notice that Julro had picked a book out of his wall bookcase and was looking at it. He noticed it wasnt a book at all but his memorybook of his parents and his life on Coruscant.
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Gwazi Magnum
Jedi GrandMaster

Male Number of posts : 945
Age : 24
Birthplace : Naboo
Speciality : Jedi Training
Species : Human
Registration date : 2008-10-10

PostSubject: Re: Julro Mapit training by Caredetru Tykuper   Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:20 pm

1. NO little kid show will EVER be made part of the Star Wars Universe.

2. Theirs no point in posting here because Caredetru left the site.
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Julro Mapit
Jedi Youngling

Number of posts : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-12

PostSubject: Re: Julro Mapit training by Caredetru Tykuper   Sun Feb 08, 2009 7:21 pm

Yes there is You can avoid reality here , but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality here When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called reality.
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