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 Helix Rexanel Training by Caredetru Tykuper

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Caredetru Tykuper
Jedi Knight


Male Number of posts : 233
Birthplace : Naboo
Species : Naboo
Registration date : 2008-10-20

PostSubject: Helix Rexanel Training by Caredetru Tykuper   Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:25 pm

Alright..... The sample that you sent me didn't really give me much to work with, it being so short, but more description would be a nice touch.

You must make the scene nearly visible to the reader. 5 senses. Sight(what do you see around you? This wasn't too big of an issue for you, but it may need a bit of improvement), smells(kinda self explanitory. Do the people around you smell? What does the food at the restaraunt smell like?), sounds(again, I think you can figure that one out), taste(even if you are not eating, you can still say "deathstick smoke was sour in Helix's mouth as it flammed up in Jano's hands" or whatever. It was just a sample, I don't know if Jano actually smokes), touch(you can figure that out). You should also talk about how these stimulusses make you feel. Do the smells of the market remind you of home? Did that explosion make you worry for your life? Things like that. You should also say things about the temperature and things. Is it hot and humid or is it cold and dry? Just focus on some of these while you work on this. If Duvnar didn't tell you, I am quite harsh on my students if they don't meet my expectations.

You pull out a chair and sit down. You are in a hall at a senatorial dinner. Jano sits next to you. You are brought your meal of fish and various fruit. There is an orchestra playing on a very large stage off to your left. Now make me see it!!!!
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Tara Rexanel
Jedi Knight
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Male Number of posts : 216
Age : 27
Birthplace : Corulag City, Corulag
Speciality : Elite Soldier
Species : Hapan
Registration date : 2008-10-10

PostSubject: Re: Helix Rexanel Training by Caredetru Tykuper   Wed Nov 12, 2008 8:06 pm

(Yay...and yeah she smokes)

Helix pulled out a green chair and sat on the blue cushion. It was extremly soft which distraacted him from the pain that the bow tie struck into him. A waitress dropped a steaming ot fish in front of him. Jano pulled out a ciar and lit it. The smoke began to fill the dining hall's air. Helix grimanced at the distusing habit Jano had. He looked at the silverware for a molment before picking up a small fork. He suddenly smelled perfume fill the room as a wman began to over-apply it. Helix cut the fish and put a peice in his mouth. It practiccly melted. The almonds added a sweet flavor to the oakey flavor. He looked up a the stage where the orchestra was playing their various instruments.
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Caredetru Tykuper
Jedi Knight


Male Number of posts : 233
Birthplace : Naboo
Species : Naboo
Registration date : 2008-10-20

PostSubject: Re: Helix Rexanel Training by Caredetru Tykuper   Fri Dec 05, 2008 9:16 pm

Very good, very good. I'm still thinking of what to have you do next. I'll get back to ya.
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